I’m a work in progress. Every day of my life I hope I’m a better person than the day before. My life is a process of taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back but hey, 1 step forward is still a step forward. So I’ll take it.
Let me just be very honest for a minute, prior to our son being born I used the word “retarded” flippantly. I would use phrases like “that’s so retarded,” “don’t be retarded,” or “man…I’m so retarded” from time to time without even thinking that I was using discriminatory language (or hate speech) toward an entire group of people.
As the parent of a child with Down syndrome and someone passionate about people with Down syndrome, this is especially disappointing to me. To be honest, before I became the parent of a child with special needs over a decade ago I didn’t know those words are as hurtful as they are.
Thankfully I know better now.
After our son was born I quickly learned how hurtful and discriminatory the word “retard / retarded” is. There is even an entire organization called “Spread the Word” They actually put out one of the most powerful videos I’ve ever seen on this top. I remember my jaw hitting the floor when I saw this short, 30 second, PSA for the first time. Please take 30 seconds and watch it. I promise you’ll think about the word “retarded” in a whole new light.
I really wish someone earlier in my life would have taken the time to tell me about the use of this word, and why I shouldn’t use it. I would have stopped immediately.
When I hear people use the word “retarded” I try to take a moment to help them understand why they shouldn’t. I’m always very gracious about it because I know the most people don’t mean anything hurtful by it, and they certainly aren’t trying to insult my son or others with intellectual disabilities. In fact there have been a few times where I didn’t say anything simply because I didn’t want to make the person feel bad. I think many people simply don’t know how hurtful and disrespectful the “r-word” can be, and simply need someone to help education.
But since there is a large community of readers behind this blog I thought I would take a moment to help educate anyone reading this why they too should help “end the word.”
I pulled this info from the spread the word website which gives more than a few reasons why I cut the word “retarded” out of my vocabulary and you should too.
Spread the word to end the word is doing a campaign where you can pledge to
….support the elimination of the derogatory use of the r-word from everyday speech and promote the acceptance and inclusion of people with intellectual disabilities.
I believe that all people are created in the image of God, are valuable, and deserve to be spoken about in respectful and loving ways. I know it would be very hurtful if someone called my son “a retard”or if someone used that word to describe something foolish they did (therefore implying that my son is foolish.)
If you agree with me, I’d encourage you to take 2 minutes and sign the pledge.
Do you sometimes use the word “retarded” in jest? (It’s ok to say so, as I mentioned I used to do the same thing.) If so, do you see “the R-word” differently after this post, and do you think you will try hard to remove the use of that word as a “slag word?” Will you sign the pledge above? Leave a comment below and let us know.
Note this post was originally published on March 6, 2013
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View Comments
Thanks Rick,
Never thought of the words, "duh" and "lame" before in this context. Where was my occupational therapist brain? A thoughtful and thought-provoking blog post as usual!
I think this is retarded... the term is directly offensive as the ignorance of the offended...
Wow. What a repulsive and immature thing to say. Why even be on this page? Is your life that miserable that you have nothing more positive and loving to say? I'll pray for your sad, tormented soul.
You decide To be offended. You're weak and allow others to manipulate your stupid ass feelings. Grow up.
Calling people "weak" or "stupid" is just as bad as calling this post retarded.
Guys control your feelings.
If you're offended by Retarded you should be EVEN MORE offended buy GUYS and using the word for men and WOMEN and not use it yourself you hypocrite!
c;ean up your name. it too is offensive.
No story,. I had a stroke 2 years ago that left my arm and hand disabled. I get a lot of " pity stares". I have a lot of empathy for babies and parents like you who care enough to make a difference.
No story,. I had a stroke 2 years ago that left my arm and hand disabled. I get a lot of " pity stares". I have a lot of empathy for babies and parents like you who care enough to make a difference.
I do't appreciate your bloggers using the 'f' eord.
it's very offensive.
I have autism, and I am not offended one bit. Retard used to mean slow down. Just like gay used to mean happy.
Thank you. Thought retarded meant delayed. What is wrong with that?
Yeah, but nobody means happy when they refer to you as gay, and that's not remotely the same. Gay isn't a slur it's a sexual orientation. And if somebody calls you retarded, they're not telling you to slow dpwn they're using a slur. What a word used to mean doesn't make any difference and is totally irrelevant. Plus, I am on the autism spectrum as well but we're not really part of the group that hears this. A lot of people can't tell the difference between someone with autism and someone without autism. Nobody really realizes I'm on the spectrum and I my best friends sister is on the more noticeable end but people think she has something similar to down syndrome, not autism. Unless you stim by more noticeable things like hand flapping people probably juat think you're being intentionally rude 95% of the time
Plus social constructs can be learned and you could probably blend in if you made an effort to be able to read peoplw better and focus on what you say. People with Down Syndromw are much more noticeable, and there are mobs of people who don't know autism even exists. Autism is for the most part an invisible disability and we have our own problems but thia one isn't usually one of them and we don't have a say here. When someone uses the word retarded they're almost exclusively thinking about down syndrome. Besides, what is nothing to you can still be a world of hurt for someone else.
I agree
I find it actually very immature of you to call this guy immature. Everyone has a right to say or type as they feel and you cannot be a biased one-sided viewer. To some, it may be just a word, to others, it may be like acid...The point is you really need to lighten up in life, bud.:)
Seriously I cant belive this yyallare the offspring of spicks and half retarded niggers.
@andrew, do you really think you're going to offend someone with pixelated markings on a screen
@retarded, if you honestly feel superiority from shaming a proud father and wonderful child, i would reconsider your fucking priorities
You nasty little gutter rat.
Whats wrong with being a spick, I'm a spick, does that mean I'm retarded.My brother has down syndrome and i am very offended by the word retarded no matter how many people love there will always be those who feel like he is a disgrace or he is stupid......this is for all of u out there who think he is dumb, he is the smartest kid in his class!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What's a spick? That's a new word for me. I've never heard it before.
Completely agree with you. If people are going to say the word retarded is offensive then they also need to take a look at the words moron, stupid, dumb, lame, and idiot. All were once used by the medical community and now are just different ways of calling someone not smart. These words are not directed at the mentally handicapped anymore. The mentally handicapped aren't even diagnosed as being mentally retarded so they shouldn't ever feel they are. The medical community stopped using the words moron and idiot because they were used in negative ways, which is why they don't use the word retarded anymore. Retarded was originally the replacement word. People should stop wasting their time trying to stop people from making them feel an emotion. You're going to feel negative emotions throughout your lifetime no matter what you do. You can either let it bring you down or you can choose to ignore it and grow stronger from it. If you choose to let it bring you down that is your own fault.
We should be using respectful words to everyone, period.
I'm offended by all the words in your message, so please stop using them all. It's really disrespectful in my opinion, and of course you have to adapt to not hurt my feeling, and not the other way around, right. That's the way you want it! :D
We should just remove all words, that way we can't be offended by words!
Very well said.
Well I use to use the word retarded to. But after having a child with down syndrome trisomy 21 it explains that there is retardation in them. So I don't take the word offensive. Cause in reality is their diagnosed with some or depending on the severity of it. I know he is the best thing that happened in our lives. Made me look at things differently. I wouldn't change it for the world he showed me how to love like no other and how amazing they truly are. So I'm a go back with the whole sticks and stones may break your bones but words I'm never hurt me. Is majority of them can do their jobs better then people with out.
Wow, this has gotten so twisted out of proportion!
We are not calling mentally handicapped people retards, we are calling fully functional people retards because they should be able to do better!
The fully functional people are the only ones that should be offended by this!! Because we are saying they cannot comprehend the world as a non handy capped induvidual!!
Never would I use that phrase to insult anyone I thought might have ANY cognitive disabilities.
Yes so in that way I think that some of the things said on this page are awful for targeting specific people even if it's people you don't know buy call a person you know retarded is just letting them know what they did was stupid. It does in NO way say that we associate people with mental or physical disabilities like that retarded has now changed its meaning into almost a synonym for stupid or dumb and honestly all words that are negative in connotation have to start with some minority and that's impossible to eliminate bc people will always be different
Exactly. Down syndrome and retarded are not in the same league. For example, someone posted on Nextdoor, about how both her husband and son had firearms stolen our of their unlocked cars parked on the street in front of their houses. Hence, I referred to them as "retards" albeit not directly. An irresponsible gun owner such as this should be ostracized and publicly ridiculed. Please, someone tell me the politically correct word for someone like this. Asshat? Dipshit? Idiot seems too gentle.
I thunk that people will need to think more deeply about WHY this word is bad. They should discover that it isn't inherently evil. People are only considering to be bad because it's been used in ways they don't like. Retarded is not a bd word. Its from Italian meaning "slower". This may seem bad, but just look at the word disabled. DIS - Abled. That word INHERENTLY means that they are not able to function normally whereas retarded means they are impeded slightly by their genetic mutation.
You should probably consider words more deeply before deciding tht they are bad. I bet in 20 years, people will go on about how the word disabled is bad and then find a new pet word.
Wow just look how bad this guys spelling is...
Oh damn... I just assumed their gender
I love this so much! I've never thought of the "R-word" as badly as I do right now. It's also been a term to just describe a foolish mistake, but I really see your point. I was definitely extremely appalled after watching the video, and I pledge to try not to say the word anymore. The sooner the world cuts this word out, the better. By the way, your son Noah is so adorable and you can't help falling in love with him the first time you see him! He just a certain light in his eyes that makes him the cutest kid ever! :)
People use the word retarded to describe something dumb and stupid. It started when people would call mentally handicapped people retarded because they were thought to be dumb and stupid. Even using the word now is a direct stab at the handicapped. There are certain words that just should not be said. This is one of them.
Actually, retard means slow, as in slow progression of the brain, so that is why it has grown to be offensive. In music, retard means to slow down, and many people laugh at this when they see it, which is very wrong and ignorant. So, saying retard is like calling someone, or yourself for, slow-progressing which is very offensive.
I have no idea how old this is, but this shows that the word "retard" is completly inaccurate to use to describe/slur people with Down Syndrome (As their brain progression may be slow, but more importantly it is limited in capability. Its not a matter of speed of learning, its about its a matter of limited cognitive function)
thats the english language for you buddy :)
Well said.
I think the 30 sec video is apples to oranges and context does matter. The word retarded has a meaning,
"to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede. "
Calling a disabled child that would be insulting but using the term in other ways is not, (in my opinion. The context and way we use words make them offensive, not necessarily the word itself. By the way, my nephew,uncle, and son to be are and will be disabled.
Just my thought and I respect your point of view also.
I completely agree with you, it is your intent when you use words that could be offensive. If I walked up to this author's son and called him that name, it was my intent to insult him, which I would never do.
We really need to come to grips with these word games we play or pretty soon we'll all just need to find other ways to communicate without saying a word.
This is exactly how I feel about this word. To make slow, etc... I understand that the slang for the word is very hurtful, but rarely do I ever hear it used in such a way. Personally, I rarely if ever use the word, but I am not insulted when people use it with the meaning of being slow. In my opinion, every single human on this planet is slow in one form or another. It can apply to all of us.
My son was born with Down Syndrome and he is well respected by all. He will be entering the sixth grade this year and has numerous typical friends. My son is amazing and yes, he's slow in many ways, but he sure can figure out electronics way better than I can, so I'm slow, too. By the way, Noah is adorable and you are wonderful parents. Thanks for sharing.
"To make slow". Sometimes when you confront someone using "retard" they fall back on that definition to defend themselves. But they are easily corrected. Because they used "retard" as an adjective or a noun while "to make slow" would be a verb. Once that evidence it pointed out to them, they usually fess up.
Janet, I understand what you are trying to say but I never hear someone using that word in a serious way as you describe. It is always used as mockery. Comparing a foolish act or person to another person who has a disability. Please give me an example of how you use the word in a way that is not implying that a person with a disability is foolish or stupid. Thanks.
I'll give you a few:
- Retarding the ignition timing a few degrees will suffice.
- In rabbits the same technique was unsuccessful, with denudation actually retarding recovery threefold ( Buehler and Newman 1964 ).
- The corticosteroid hormones which are often used to treat the kidney disease may also retard growth.
- An attempt to go directly from TA to OA publishing will only retard the growth of OA for another needless decade.
- Perhaps it was the over-riding 19th century belief in Progress which did thus retard the assumptive values of the field of still photography.
As you can see, when used as a verb (as it was meant to be), and not improperly as a noun, there is nothing offensive about it (just because you haven't personally witnessed it being used correctly, doesn't mean people don't do it every day regardless) . It's simply a word, and a very common one at that. Because people have misused it is not cause to 'ban' said word. work to correct the misuse, and stop being so narrow minded (banning a word due to it's misuse is tantamount to banning a hammer because too many people hit their thumbs!). If the word bothers you even when used properly, then don't use it, but 'bans' are just dumb.
BTW: This article was pretty clear about the elimination of the 'derogatory' use of the word (i.e. noun), to this I very much agree, it's just not nice a nice thing to call anyone. But I don't really think the author is out to 'ban' a word, simply the use of it as a noun. ;-)
Thank you! A very excellent and accurate comment. The use of retard as a noun has always highlighted the users deficiencies versus the persom the user is trying to insult. A person cannot BE a retard any more than a person can be a run, a jump, or a sit :) Really we should view those who use retard as a noun with pity, they have obviously not had access to elementary education.
I agree that it should NEVER be said to someone with a developmental disability, and I agree that one should never refer to someone with an actual disability as retarded, however if, as many of you have pointed out it's not a correct description of those that are mentally handicapped or developmentally delayed and that it really doesn't apply to those people it makes the point sort of moot. What you are saying is, "society has taken a word and applied it to someone I love. however, it's not true, that is not this how this person is so not only should you not use that word to describe my loved one, you also should not use the word at all."
Clearly, retarded is a word that has several definitions that make it appropriate to use in certain situations. The words stated in the video are made up words purposely used for offending someone/a group of people. This word has been used incorrectly and in an offensive way, and I don't think anyone disagrees that it should not be used in that way anymore. But to say we can't use that word in any situation or use lame (which has many definitions) and duh (is Doh! better?) seems ridiculous and overly sensitive to me. That would be like saying I can't use gay as a synonym for happy anymore either... it's not often used that way, but it IS still correct usage of the word.
I'm sorry, but if you don't give words power, they have no power.
justme I agree with you. I don't think it's a word I regularly use, but I believe I've said it and others I know do as well. It all depends on ones use of the word.
When looking it up in the Webster Miriam dictionary, this is one of the meanings:
"1re·tard
\ri-ˈtärd\
verb
: to slow down the development or progress of (something)"
There is nothing derogatory about the above sentence, nor should anyone interpret it that way. I think as a society we have become far too sensitive and people must walk on eggshells for fear of insulting someone. Earlier this month I read a post (near April Fools Day) that stated how insensitive it is to post a joke on FB that you are pregnant, because think of all the women trying to conceive that can't, or have miscarried, etc.
Then, a couple of weeks after that it was National Siblings Day. All day I watched my FB friends post photos of their brothers and sisters and how much they love them.I have no siblings, and my younger sister passed away after heart surgery as an infant. Did the posts make me a little sad? Of course. But do I expect others to NOT put them up for fear of hurting of someone like me? Well of course not!!
I think we all need to lighten up a little. Unless something is blatantly rude or done with the intent of hurting someone, just let it pass.
I agree with you. To be honest, I refer to my dog as being "retarded", but in our relationship it has come to have a meaning of endearment. I would never apply the term to a human being.
The thing I find so redicules about this arguement is that some time in the near future, those that were once called idiots, then mentally retarded, moving to mentally challenged, and currently referred to as Intellectually or developmentally disabled, or differently abled will someday be refered to by a new term making the acceptable, unacceptable, again.
Current culture states that It's no longer Hispanicsl, but latino. It's no longer negro, but African American, and then Black, and now Black African American.
While I understand the concern when this term is used in discussing an individual, how I refer to my dog should not earn me a 10 minute lecture from an individual that has never dealt with the joy of being "original"; the term used in my house hold. You see, I don't believe in disabilities, I believe that some people are not "cookie cutter" people; they are original, and that's what makes them so special.
My belief comes from personal experience since my dad, my son and I all sit somewhere on the Autism Spectrum.
Bamm. You nailed it. And your position mirrors mine. High functioning, can just past for "normal" but usually don't.
I totally agree. Everyone I know uses that word to describe something/someone stupid, but they don't really think about it.
I just hate the R word.
I totally agree. My adult brother has special needs and i have always corrected my friends when they say "That's so Retarded!" It hurts to hear these words. I am amazed how ignorant people can be. You know your true friends when they correct their behavior.
It just makes my tummy do flip-flops when I hear some one use the "R" word...I have 5 kids & 2 of them have ADHA; and the are both special needs, but they are the most loving & caring boy to me in the world! Also the younger of the 2 is blind in his left eye & half way in his right eye! And I just don't understand why so many people want to use the "R" word...If only there was away that we could take these words some where they couldn't ever be used again! Thank you so much for this video clip! Have a great night!
Hey,
I just wanted to let you know how completely beautiful this website is, your articles are amazing and moving. That video gave me goose bumps... I want to thank you for putting into words what I could not express to my friends about hurting special needs kids even when they didn't mean to.
So thank you, so much.
Ps. Your son is so beautiful :)
You're all retarded.
Your're really immature.... It's sad you have to use a fake name to put something so hateful on here. It's ok though god is watching :)
Shame on you for casting judgment indirectly by saying "God is watching."
Hi my name is Heather Light. I have some special needs. So hearing the "R" Word is really really hurts my feelings. So please stop using it. From Heather Light.
If you do not like it, do not read it.
And you are an undereducated poor soul who has no idea how to use the gift of language to properly express yourself.
I always tell my kids, one of whom has special needs, that communicating properly is a lost art and that is shows more intelligence to speak your point while refraining to lower yourself to include vulgarities. Those who have not had the proper education will revert to vulgarities as a means to get their point across because they know no better. Point in case, your missive!
I have a daughter with DS and I've never really been offended by the R word. I've always used it loosely. (Not so much now to not offend) And many people I know do. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Learning slower than average has never been a negative thing to me. I think we ALL fall under the description of that word in different areas of our lives. I hate the the DS community is so offended by it. I wish we could teach these beautiful children not to be offended by it. Its just a word, and honestly, being "that" isnt a bad thing. But that's just me.