Down Syndrome Isn't Your Fault
Down Syndrome isn’t yours (or anyone else’s) fault.
If you ended up on this page because you were searching for down syndrome causes or what causes Down syndrome, let me give you a quick spoiler alert: It isn’t your fault that your child was born with Down Syndrome. You did not cause Down syndrome.
First let me reassure you, there is nothing you could have done to cause your child to be born with Down Syndrome. Nothing you ate, didn’t eat, got exposed to, vitamin you forget to take or activity you did that caused your baby to be born with Down syndrome. If that thought has ever crossed your mind you can take a deep breath, and let go of any guilt or anger you may be feeling, because Down syndrome isn’t your fault.
It is very likely that you were surprised by this diagnosis at delivery as I was. You had no idea that your child was carrying that extra chromosome throughout your pregnancy. You are not alone, 85% of children born with Down Syndrome are diagnosed after delivery. Your OB did not miss anything either.
You could have had an ultrasound every week (like myself) and there were no clues that your child would be born with Down Syndrome. That being said your child has had that extra 21st chromosome since conception. Before you even knew you were pregnant their genes were set in place and there was nothing you, or your Doctor, could have done to prevent that extra chromosome. God knitted your little one together just as He intended.
Just a few minutes after birth!
Having some mommy time!
We had one very pleasant lab technician ask us
“Which one of you gave him the extra chromo?”
(And yes she said chromo!)
It is most likely that the extra chromosome came from me. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THIS! You had no control over what happens at conception, and cannot pick and choose which egg will be used. We personally believe that your egg was handpicked by God. 🙂
Is this a topic that crossed your mind when you received a Down syndrome diagnosis? How did you process those emotions / feelings?
Leaving the hospital to start our fun new journey!
We love this little guy so much!
What a cutie!
[This post is a part of the “New Parent Guide To Down Syndrome” blog series. Be sure to check out the other posts!]
Bitty and Beau’s Coffee is an amazing nationwide coffee shop chain that is much more… Read More
Ever since we took Noah to his very first dance party many years ago, this… Read More
One of the first things our OB/GYN told us after we received our son's Down… Read More
Before the pandemic, my wife and I were both members at Orange Theory Fitness (and… Read More
As the parent of a child with Down syndrome, I have wondered if people with… Read More
I Love Being His Coach! After 18 plus months off due to COVID-19, Noah started… Read More
View Comments
This post brought tears to my eyes, Noah is so... precious and yes knit together by our Lord.
Thanks so much!
Everyone knows that down babies are born that way from God. No one is to blame. Not the parents, the doctors or any thing you did or didn't do. I believe that they are sent to special people who loves them for themselves not for being perfect. They pass out love more then any other child can, They have pure hearts ans don't set out to hurt others,,,
I want to say That U couldn't put that in no better way....Have a great day.....
you can delete this post, don't see an option to post privatgely...(typo alert:" We personally believe that your egg was handpicked your God.")
Don't like it? Get off the website ? Simple enough yeh?
Yes we do too! And what a wonderful God and Gift we got!! Everyone should be so LUCKY!
Thanks for the comment Denise! Do you have a child with Down syndrome?
I love that you included the 85% statistic. I've been looking for more stats to add to my arsenal. I'm wondering, do you have any idea how common green eyes are in the US? I know that 90% of all prenatal diagnoses of Down syndrome result in termination of the pregnancy (trying not to use language that will upset those who have made that choice for their own reasons). I've also read of different studies, some citing 1/700+, 1/800+ or 1/900+ live births are children with Down syndrome. What I want to know and cannot find the stats to back up is this: are conceptions of babies with Down syndrome more or less rare than conceptions of babies with green eyes? I've only been able to find studies ranking countries like "green eyes are more common in Iceland than in Great Britain." The parent and self-advocate group that I belong to has been focusing lately on outreach to the medical community and I think that something like "green eyes are more rare than Down syndrome and you wouldn't recommend terminating for that" or "how can you call something that is more common than green eyes a problem; it's just a variation like eye color" would be persuasive. Any help you (or one of your readers) could give would be appreciated!
I think it would be hard to determine the frequency of green eyes overall because it is going to be different in each part of the world based on the genetic pool there. For example it is extremely rare in an Asian population but would be more common in a Nordic gene pool. Green eyes are based on parent's genes, where as Down syndrome can occur to any population regardless of parent's genes. I do however like the concept you are going with as Down syndrome is part of who someone is just like red hair, blue eyes, how tall you are, etc. It is not something that can be "healed." Being a part of the medical community myself I think one of the best outreaches is letting them know your group exists and you are willing to talk to any parent about Down syndrome. I don't think Ob's realize there is a parent population willing to support new moms through the diagnosis. They also refer to genetic counselors to do more of the talking and know little about Down syndrome outside of the medical concerns. I find it heartbreaking that most Ob's assume people will want to terminate once they find out. Another sad statistic is that typical children end up being terminated through the process as well. A UK resource states that 400 typical children are terminated each year due to having an increase risk of Down syndrome. Now that ACOG recommends testing for every woman and not just those over 35 I fear what will happen as more woman learn there is an increased risk with their baby.
I can't find the site now, but I've read that it's 10% in the US. In Iceland it's 87-92% with green or BLUE, and I saw that Turkey has the highest rate of green eyes at 20%. In darker people, not middle eastern, is rarest (African, Hispanic, etc), in Afghanistan it's fairly common...
The reason it's only 10% here is that most of the green eyed genes come from Ireland and German in the US, and although we are a large percentage, we ALL have different brown eyed genes mixed in, and they take over.
Then again, the statistic that said 10% said there are 100,000 green eyed people in the US... is 100,000 10% of our population? The number I found for US population in 311,000,000, it's 3.2%, so no. There doesn't seem to be a definite percentage for this.
I wonder if you'd even be able to find statistics for DS PREGNANCIES as opposed to DS births, as many choose to "opt out" of the "trouble." You'd probably have to search terminations and then births. :(
It is such a heartache how families are construed as "it didn't happen from our family." The pediatrican who came in to see our baby after he was born flatly told us, "your child is mongoloid, and his tongue will stick out forever, if you should like to place him in an orphange I can set it up for ya'll. She also told us in front of the mother I shared a room with. When my doctor who deliverd Eric came in, we told him what the pediatrician said. He asked our permission to let her go. Well, we heard that he gave her a good chewing out and told her we no longer wanted her for our doctor. I know that this doesn't happen all of the time, but parents need to be talked to with compassion once they suspect that they have delivered a Down Syndrome baby. We have loved Eric from the moment we laid eyes on him. He has been an extra special inspiration in our family. I feel sorry for parents who do not have a Down Syndrome child as they are missing out on life's most wonderful gift from God.
I love this blog. I found you on twitter . My little sweetheart who has Down syndrome is 3 years old now and I would have loved reading this blog when he was first born, although it obviously didn't exist then. Even though I know I didn't do anything to cause his Down syndrome, it is nice to be reminded of that again because sometimes that thought creeps back into my head. I facilitate a Down syndrome community group in our city for Mile High Down syndrome Association. I'm going to tell all the parents in my group about this blog! Thanks for sharing.
@Meredith,
So cool that you found our blog! What’s your “little sweetheart’s” name?
Also we go to Denver at least once a year to visit family, maybe we can meet up one day!
I'm so thankful that Target has used a model that just happens to have Down Syndrome. I want my little girl to know she is not alone in this world. I want her to see that other kids with Down Syndrome can do the same things other children do. I wish there was a target in the Bluefield , West Virginia area so I could support it. I also loved the blog one lady posted about having a child with Down Syndrome is not your fault. Sometimes when I go out in public I feel I have to justify my child's right to be in this world and my decision to have her. I was 36 when I got pregnant with her. I always feel I caused it by waiting so long to have her, then I realize the number of children born to parents over 36 that are completely normal. I also realize the number of children with Down Syndrome that are born to parents under 35. I learned in fact the egg cell my daughter was conceived from was actually in me when my mother was pregnant with me. That egg cell could of already had the extra chromosome then. We consulted a geneticist to see what the odds of having another child with Down Syndrome would be and its no higher than for anyone else of the same age.
Nordstrom also has a model with DS. I saw him in a catalogue about two or three months ago, maybe even around Christmas.
This was after they boasted about having someone disabled in their catalogue... the person was deaf, so you obviously couldn't TELL.
There's a girl with DS on Glee (I think, I don't watch it). A boy on Secret Life of the American Teenager (he's quite a firecracker).
Hi Victoria, wasn't aware that Target uses Down Syndrome children as models. I will make a sincere effort to shop their more. I was only 26 when I had my son Eric. We also went to a gentecist at Texas Children's in Houston, Texas. We were told that our child was no mistake and that I carried the gene. We were also told that I carried the gene when I was conceived. I have known moms who have birthed their Down Syndrome child at an early age of 17 and 19 years old. I agree with you, that age is not a factor. So glad to be a part of this blog. It is so important to get information from the parents rather than getting it from someone who has heard this and heard that. I bet your child is beautiful.
Pamela, they sure do! Check out this post ---> http://noahsdad.com/target-down-syndrome/ Pretty cool, huh?
Noah is just so stinkin CUTE!!!!!!!!!!! and i like your blog :)
Thanks for making me cry! I dont know what i'd do with out you guys!! you are such a blessing to me and my family....thanks and love you guys!!!
"85% of children born with Down Syndrome are diagnosed after delivery" The heart-breaking truth behind that statistic is that more than 90% of women who receive a pre-natal diagnosis of Down's choose/are pressured into terminating. I look at these beautiful children and I cannot imagine not seeing them as especially blessed and specially created by God. God bless!
i'm agree with you!!My son is wonderful and all children with SD deserve to live. Abortion is the biggest mistake you can make!!!!
Patricia and LauraB you are right, it is very sad.
That's why we always say that a mothers womb is the most dangerous place in the world with Down syndrome, our hope is that we can change that. http://noahsdad.com/mothers-womb/
You guys are wonderful!! I love what you have done for so many parents that for so long have felt that they are alone in the world. My daughter is 12 now and I would not change anything for the life of me. I was 21 when i had her and my (husband now) and I were not married at the time. We had doctor after doctor come to us after her downs was confirmed ask us if we were going to keep her. It took us years to understand that many people give up their babies because they are not perfect. Are you kidding me?? Who is perfect? We did have the worst social worker in history. She would come to the hospital when she knew that I was alone and tell me that I will need to put my daughter in a home one day. Are you kidding me, i dont even have her home yet.
I am so glad that this day in age that we can come together and know that we are not alone and that if you are going through it chances are that someone else is too.
Thank you so much for all that you have done for me so far and I hope that I can help any parent for family member or teacher for that fact with anything that i can.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!
Our daughter Taylor has made me a better person and I know that she is a very special gift from GOD.
Thanks for the comment and thank you for choosing to not abort your child! You guys sound like great parents.
Do you have any other children?